SEE OR NOT

No matter you see me or not
I am here
Not sad, Not happy

No matter you think about me or not
Yearning is here
Not coming, not going

No matter you love me or not
Love is here
Not increasing, not decreasing

No matter you come with me or not
My hand is in yours
Not aborting not abandoning

Come to my embrace
Or just let me to live into your heart
Speechless but love
Silent but be happy

Fly

Life is fresh here (4)

To Fajar

Hi, big bro….Sooooo many words I want to say to you….. That letter I gave you the last day is far from enough to express my feelings.

I want to say that you are not the guy I spent the most time together with in Indonesia, but maybe you are the people I miss most when I come back to China….Really….I mean what I say...

Actually, the first day I arrive Lisna’s house, Jerry had already told me that Lisna has a friend who would hang out with them before I arrive…And that night, in July 7^th, still remember? It’s the first time I got access to you on Skype. And Jerry always said, “Fajar, you are so shy today?” And till now, I’m still wondering why? Is it because I am too quite?

Still remember the place I met you for the first time is in Manggarai Shelter. You were taking a taxi with Anna. And you were in blue T-shirt and Anna in yellow. Actually, it’s my first time to go to cinema with strangers as we just talked on Skype for one time. But I didn’t feel uncomfortable or scared. I think I supposed to be. But I don’t know why. I just thought I can trust you and I trusted you. And you proved to me that you are the person can be trust when I was in Indonesia. Maybe there’s something we called it YUANFEN in China, FATE in English.

The second time you met me maybe already is my last two weeks in Jarkata. According to this, the time we spent together is really limited. That day, my India friend missed our meeting in Grand Indonesia, and when I got bored the first person I want to search for is you……It just looks like you are the best friends I had in Indonesia…U will come to my mind easily. That day, we went to the typical architecture in Jakarta and the cathedral on the other side. We ate the traditional Indonesia Ice cream….And you took me to eat the food in your hometown from Padang….

Then my memories skipped sth and came to the night we spent together in Bogor. That day, we really talked a lot and had a meaningful night….We talked about our studying, our opinion, our country situation and a lot of things. And I think we found many same points after that night…

The day we saw Jerry off, I never think you will cry, because I always treat you as a happy person who will never get sad. And I can image the day after I leave, the situation….you and Lisna….But I don’t want to see it….And I think if I saw it, it will hurt your pride….

Fajar, you had already been my best friend in my life, no matter if I know your full name, no matter if you know my Chinese name, no matter how old you are, no matter how old I am, no matter whether you changed your glasses, no matter if you had changed your hair style or you want to change it, no matter how many days we spent together, no matter how much we had already known about each other….

I don’t know why. Actually, I seldom will trust somebody like you in such a short time except my teammates in AIESEC and I even couldn’t figure out the reason….

(And I even I have a question for u, in your opinion, am I an introverted or extroverted?)

I searched for the reason so many times, and finally it just falls in the memories, the happy ones..….every time,……

Still remember you like to look at me laughing without any reasons. And even I am not annoying with you, I still will pretend to ask you “Why are you laughing?”

Still remember the movie SPIDER MAN4 we watched together, the start of our beautiful friendship….

Still remember the taste of the lunch you bought for Jerry and me in that zoo, even I cannot remember the name of the zoo now. It’s really sweet for preparing it for us….

Still remember the bird shit fell down both dirty my hands and your T-shirt, quite embarrassed but unforgettable, I never experience this before…..

Miss the time we searching for Wifi, you downloaded all application for me like Facebook, twitter, foursquare and most important of all----What’s up…I am not sure whether I will use it frequently since I still do not know the way to skip the wall by phone, but I give you my words here:”I will never delete it and I will cherish my phone here” since this Android system has stored so many memories, laughter.

Miss the time I spent in Matrama shelter waiting for you to bring me to visit some places, even when I waited there for an hour. I will still desire to hang out with you, to enjoy my life there. Because I know, you will bring a different world to me.

Miss all the words below:

“Blair, where are you now?”

“Blair, check your belongings. ”

“Blair, let me use your phone, I really like it”

“Blair, how about us going to eat….blablabla”

“Blair, I want you to eat something from my hometown, It’s really delicious”

“Blair, I want to cry…”

“Blair, how about…”

“Blair, let’s take a picture…May I use your cemera?”

“Oh, you hurt my pride.”

These following words are coming out from my bottom of heart….

I know you are a good guy…I saw it from my eyes, small movement….Every time you passed the poor people, the disabled ones, I noticed that you will always give money to them…This charitable deed in daily life can reflect a person a lot….And you also remind Jerry and I to watch out our bags, to ask us to be careful….just like orlder brother…..I think your God will be proud of you….

I really appreciate it that you would like to spend time with me, to accompany me, to take care of me. And I hope that I am not lobay and not bring you much inconvenience as I always called you out to do something. And I’m sincerely hoping you will never get bored with me….Please…

Still remember I told you that I am the only child in my family? And you, dewi, kiki, fitri, Jerry gave me the feelings of family with brothers and sisters. I can say that never once in my life had experienced a relationship like this…So I really cherish it…I really miss it….And I really appreciate it….The time we spend together is really happy…

We had a lot of common point, as you send the message to me…It’s true…

We are the ones who will care our friends more than ourselves, even we need to go through fire and water. We are the ones who like to explore the world, to do something different to make the world better even if our strength is soooo small to change it, but at least we had tried, right? We are the ones who will listen to our parents’ advice, but we ourselves had something unsettled inside our heart…We are the ones who will keep a room inside and closed the door,I call it as self-esteem, in order to keep some secret ourselves, to hide our emotions, to bear the sadness ourselves, even when we look like strong and heartless….

So when that night you and Lisna waiting outside watching me to go inside of the airport…I do not know what’s the feeling of yours…But it’s really tough for me to say goodbye, to turn back, to go inside….You know what? Inside the airport I kept my head up for a long time, because that’s the only way, I can stop my tears running down. I know it will look stupid but I have no other choices, and I cannot help myself….At the time the airplane left the ground, I looked into Jakarta for the last time, and I did say goodbye to all of you, and I hope if you guys can feel it…..Stupid I am, right?

Bro, really miss you!!! So much!!!

But I know to leave is in order to meet next time , to have a happier meet again. And crying not always means sad, it can represent happiness and missing….you know after the rain there will exist rainbow, and that’s the most beautiful….

Please keep our promise, to meet again someday somewhere…I will also help to find a job in China if possible….

Meeting you, knowing you and missing you are the luckiest in my life so far….

And we both try hard to strive, to achieve, to enjoy,OK?

Just take care….

Life is fresh here (3)

To Jerry:

I hope the English words will not make you confused since we can chat in Chinese. But to make the article consists I still want to make my words.

Actually, when I got the airport of Indonesia and Keval said I would live with a boy with Taiwan, I was really shocked. Because the last night I talked to him, he just reminded me to live with a person from Taiwan, not mentioning it’s a boy. And when I arrived Lisna’s house, I was more shocked because we live in the same room!!!!! I thought maybe we will have “unforgettable and embarrassed ” 40 days together……And that’s what I do not want….And you know there are many sensitive themes between China and Taiwan….

But actually, you are a very kind guy, I mean kindhearted and patient as I mentioned it in the airport. It’s really not normal to see a boy have this kind of patience to the kids and girls and to their mother, to accompany them to travel, to accompany them to play games, to accompany them to do many things even only girls will like it, for example doing shopping….Actually I’m really surprised and grateful that you can do all these things to the girls. I think I cannot do it if I was alone without any support because I really cannot make up my mind to do sth, just following the others, and maybe without you, I may just follow the other EPs and miss the beautiful life I had in Jakarta… I’m serious…..Really thank you …..

And it is you that take me to take angkok and transjakarta, and I can hardly think about that without u how can I survive the busy and messy traffic there in Jakarta!!!!! I really appreciate it...for taking care of me..

Now sitting in my studying room, I really miss the days to get up early to take the sahur to prepare fasting for the whole day. You are a strong-minded man, since everything you had already decided to do, you can make it.I really admire this personality in you and I want to learn it from you….

I really miss the days we just set the alarm clock but cannot get up at 3 o’clock, or I did get up at 3 but pressed down the alarm and fell asleep again, being regretting whole next day….

I really miss the days we wait for transjakarta soooo long that you kept shaking your heads with my doing nothing just complaining..

I really miss the days you were sitting under the hole of Lisna’s house, being afraid of the mouse jumping down from there…It’s really funny.

I really miss the days we are eating together, taking pictures of the food all the time, thinking Lisna’s father is really cute.

I really want to hear you 碎碎念, it’s really funny….and I almost get used to it….and cannot leave it….

We had many memories in that small room, talking about Olympics, chatting about the opinions, and preparing the lessons together and making some advice for both classes….and complaining again…about sth …blablabla….我相信，你懂我指的是什么的…..

I had some words for you,but I cannot express it in English….

在那间小屋里氤氲着我们共同的回忆

希望多年以后，回想起来

脑海里还是残留着蜂蜜的味道

这一段回忆对于我来说

点点滴滴的记忆

可能是一辈子的储蓄罐

希望你也可以珍藏

就像是一张旧的DVD

可以品味出别样的韵味

我相信，你是一个很棒的男孩

不久的将来，

你一定也可以找到一个别样的女孩

成为你的真命天女

每天的天空都有着同样的蓝天白云

可是，雅加达的天空下

我们几个曾经共同

呼吸过、笑过、哭过

一路走来，并不平淡

请记住我们和Fajar的约定

不管何时何地

一定如期赴约

一起去创造另一段别样的回忆

阳光总在风雨后

哭泣不一定代表着伤心

结束一段旅程意味着新的征途

未来的路，你一定可以走得很远很好

I believe

PS:这个和你写给我的相比，我好像显得微啰嗦。。。。可能文风对你来说也有点诡异。。。你就忍忍吧O(∩_∩)O哈哈~

Life is fresh here (2)

To fitri,

Hi,fitri….Nice to meet you.I don’t know what to say to you because the day when I left, I had supposed many situations but I never thought that you would cry first. I know you are a girl who are good at hiding your feelings and you are a strong heart inside. You are really a smart girl. Though I didn’t have many words with you like kiki or dewi, but I think you feel the same with me that we have connection, right? Just when we are staring at each other, we can have fun and read each other’s mind. That’s the way we communicated, hahaha. But I still cannot stop making fun of you and Jerry, though I know it’s really kidding. It’s just gonna be fun..

Really miss you.when I left the community and I know you are missing me.That’s the reason you don’t want me to leave that night, And that’s why I first come to comfort you, because so many feelings hide inside your body since Jerry left and he asked you not crying. Silly girl, just be yourself. You can express your feelings anytime. Laugh when you want and cry when you need. If you are too shy to express to others just go get me, OK? Here is your older sister. I am here waiting for you!!!

You can rely on me.

Really missing your special voice and your laughing ….and saying..hi Blair…..and the time you take Jerry and me home

Thank you for the 40 days’ special experience you brought for me…And I really want to go to Bandong with you. Maybe next time when I come to Indonesia, we can do it together..OK?

I love u,really….

To Echa                       

Echa….Long time no see. How is everything going there?

It’s really lucky for me to have a trip to Taman mini with your guidance And it’s a pity that you cannot join us to visit Bogor.

Actually, you are a girl always wearing smiles, maybe we should call it laugh, hahaha. And I believe people who love laughing are always kindhearted. Because they must be sincere to the world, to their friends. And this is what you did to Jerry and me. And thank you.

When I mentioned about you, our memory stay in the Manggarai bus shelter and the transjakarta to Pulo Gadong. As you said before, it carries our waiting here, our laughing, our chatting.. Every inch stored the memory.

Echa, you are a good girl ,and I wish your having a bright future.

I hope I can see you somewhere someday.

Love you.

To Rini

Dear, you are such an adorable girl!!! Even though the time you spend with me is not really much, but I think I really like you, and make fun of you by imitating your voice and words, even I had no ideas about what you were saying about…

I know you like smile a lot, and I like your smile. Just keep doing it. Be sure that you are happy and try to make people around you happy. I believe you can do it, because you care about your friends a lot.

And the last day in Dewi’s house, I see another side of you by seeing you help Kiki’s mother make cookies….You must be good at house working…And I never supposed you would like to do all these because in my memory girls like you are quite social and not willing to do house working…

Rini, practice your English more, OK? So that one day if we meet again, we can speak English instead of Bahasa..And I will practice Bahasa as well….

Smile…

Promise.

To Lisna

Lisna, my dear host family sister.…

Thanks for treating me for my 40 days in Indonesia.

You know what ? I supposed my host family sooo many times before I came to Indonesia. And your home is quite special for me, I never supposed that. The life there is totally different from the one I experience in China. I treat it as culture shock. But not long after that, I get used to the life there and soon fell in love with Indonesia and life there.

It’s really nice of you to make or bring the snack to Jerry and me to increase our experience in Indonesia. By the way, Indo mie is really delicious.And it’s really nice for you to let me and Jerry sleep inside and “abandon” yourself outside, and sorry for the inconvenience we brought to you.

And sorry for my speakless when I stay with you, because I really don’t know what I can say to you. Anna and Fajar say you are lobay…..But still I didn’t see it those days I stay with you. Maybe you are too shy?hahaha I don’t know……

I can see you are a good girl strive to learning sth like Photoshop. And you really have a good relationship with your friends. And I guess sometimes you will become crazy when you are with your friends, right? And so am I….

Your home is just like my own house, and I really miss the time jerry and I got up early in the morning and we ate together, the time you make beverage for us, the time you accompany me to the airport and we played cards together.

Hope someday you can come to China….Looking forward to seeing you~~

Life is fresh here (1)

Maybe it is my first time to write an English article so long like this. But I know that it will be a nice try since you guys left soooo many wonderful memories in my mind and made me mess up. So I really need to have a quite environment to settle all the stuffs down and make the memories more unforgettable, because I really held the belief that words can really express my feelings and make me emotional, to be the real one, instead of hiding myself, because sometimes I am too shy to express my real feelings to you guys,so I just write them down to help me to remember that I had ever experience the colorful world in Indonesia and to store it forever.

So here comes the article.

I never supposed I will have a life like this in Indonesia.

Yes, it is the first time to go aboard and be alone as well. And before my leaving , my parents and friends always say to me “why do you choose Indonesia?It’s dangerous….” But I want to say, I had never regret my choice to be there. Or I may treat it as my most wonderful choice I had ever made.

When I got out of Bandar Udara Internasional Soekarno-Hatta the first day of arrival, I said to myself,” OMG, It sucks. I need to sleep my first night in my airport. What a nice start….”

And then my first impression of Indonesia faded away by a group of cute and nice people, my forever friends there…and some strangers.

And here, I want to present my words here to those most adorable people there.

TO Dewi and Kiki:

Still remember the first day I met you two？Dewi was in red and Kiki in blue. It is you two show Jerry and me the way to meeting point. I still remember the way Dewi smiled to me, sooo bright!!!!

It’s great honor for me to meet you two, to meet your mother, to meet your grandmother, to meet your brothers, to meet Garlu. And I am also honored for being treated by your families. You make me feel at home!! I mean it!!!

Still remember the meander road we walked everyday in the community? Soooo many times….that I can do it with my eyes closed. Actually, I counted the step the last night I walked out of the community, it’s totally about 237 steps, and I cherish it so much, because each step is full of memory and each piece of road was ever filled with our laugh and play.The community stand so much memories for us to remember.

I will never forget the cookies I made with your mum and others, I will never forget the time we spend in the meeting point making fun of Jerry and Fitri, laughing crazily.And dewi, I will never forget that you always say ”Taman is very big!!! ”I know you are a sensitive girl, your feeling is so soft.I will never forget that night you keep saying”blair,I want to go to the airport with you!!” and you were crying sooo hard…And at the same time, you are a brave girl, who dare to strive to your dream. Yeah, I can see it in your eyes.Please just do what you want, and I believe you really can make it.

 And Kiki, I will never forget you like to lean on me not saying anything. And I still remember the time I did teaching and you will stay aside learning English. You want to be a learned man, right? You will choose to listen to your mum’s words instead of going to Bogor with us.I can tell that you are a very obedient girl. And yes, you are..And someday you will succeed to achieve your dream.

You two are the first two I meet in the community, and thank you for accompanying me for the 40 days

In the end, I want to say, Girls, your mother is not easy to raise you up,so be kind to her, and respect her ,OK?

 It’s all really small details, and maybe you will never remember, but for me, it’s everything, to remember, to thanksgiving., to cherish.

Wish you always be happy, and take care. You just like my little sister…..